393rd Day On DA (The Horrible Feeling Inside)

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I have been not really able to get up on bed during the weekends and appetite has not been that great either . Maybe it was a bad idea afterall ? I rejected that person face to face and declared that the furthest we could advance to is just best friends and that is all that I could offer . Returned everything that I was given to me and handed it over , told that person that I will NOT tolerate any kinds of contact like hugs or whispering in my ears etc . If that ever happens , I will really have to bring this issue up to Linda and probably get that person into serious trouble for harassment . 

You know what guys , I have never felt so LOW , so despicable , so evil in my entire life . I may not show it but its seriously hurting me in the inside , why the hell do I even have to go through this and hurt someone so badly .   That person didnt utter a word , all I could see is tears rolling down from both eyes and that was something that would really sent me to a state of turmoil . 

J , do you know what you are doing to me is far beyond the word "horrible" ? So it must have felt good telling me about how you really feel all these while but did you ever care about MY feelings when you throw all these at me ?  Tell me J , WHY DID YOU CALL ME OUT THAT NIGHT when you were feeling so down  , why did we engage is such intimate hugs ?  Both my shoulders were being gripped so shaken so hard , I could feel that person's nose touching mine and .. I had this ear ringing effect , it felt so terrible and for some reasons , I had this nausea feeling . 

I brushed that person off and told person that if we couldn't remain as friends , then I would be glad to be just work mates and its not even actual friends .  The more we talk , the more things get ugly and we are actually making a din behind the back of the bakery which there was people walking past us . I just couldn't take this bullshit any longer and left ... 

Walked about 10 to 15 steps or so and suddenly there as a strong jerk on my left wrist , it actually hurts and before I could turn my back around , I was into being held in this position that I am quite familiar with . I was laying in that person's chest again ... "J , give me a chance ? We can work this out and I promise to be worth your time"  I inhaled and exhaled really hard , struggled and pushed that person away from this forceful hug and in the end , I find myself pin on the wall by that person . "You still do not get it don't you  ? Which part of me is that hard to accept ? Am I really that lousy to you J ?"  I told that person , you are a good friend but its just that I do not want to be in a relationship , the problem is ME and not you . 

I could see that person's anger and sadness , it was nothing like I have ever seen and should I stay here any longer , I am pretty sure I am going to get into some serious trouble . My head is spinning really badly and I just wana go home and so , I told that person that if I am not being released , I am going to shout for help  . "I wont give up J , I wont .."Inside me , I just have this " screw everything and I just wana go home " kind of feeling and I ran to the subway as fast as I could . I didnt dare to look back  ... I didnt dare .

My mood has been really trampled and shattered after this incident , we didnt talked to each other after this incident and I have not received any text messages from that person either . At the least , i could work with a peace of mind without letting others gossip about me but it still feels so painful inside . Its a first for me and I hope its the last  . I am so sorry guys but I didnt let Linda and Ella know about this yet but looking at the bright side is , I am no longer "harassed" for now and things seems to be okay but .. I know that things will never be the same again after this ....  


Rgds
Jeremy 


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It was a dark place, Gotham was, you weren't a fool. There were many things wrong with the city, but it didn't drive you away. You knew of multiple gangs in the place you called home, but you were never involved, even when you were at your lowest of lows. Luckily, your lowest of lows came to an end; you finally got a job, which meant you could pay the rent, and also have enough to go out on Fridays.
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Kassandra-21's avatar
Sorry for the extremely late commnent, I'm in over my head lately ^^ Do not, I repeat, do not feel guilty. It's normal to feel that way but make sure to stay away from that person. As I suspected their affection might end up as an obsession. You did well to not let them push you over anymore and I know it took a lot of strength but it was the right way to go. Be careful with them. I'm not saying they're a bad person, I don't know them but sometimes even the best of us turn bad when we get obsessed. I hope everything is going well now =3=

Also, thank you for the feature ^^