327th Day on DA (My Decisions)

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After thinking long and hard , I have decided to meet that stalker and it will be tomorrow as the stated date on the letter . Its been causing alot of mental agony and also I would like to know who this person is once and for all . 

I will not be going alone as its terribly dangerous , another neighbour will be joining me but I have decided not to let Ella come along or even let her know about it . Reason being simple , once she knows my plan , she is coming for sure and if something happens to her , the one that suffers is her child . Its my own problem , my life , my choice and I will see to it myself rather then to drag an entire ship down along with me . 

Kinda crazy I know but honestly , please do not be too worried about me guys as I am a grown adult and I know what I am doing . Even if something were to happen to me , I can tell you that there will be people in my office and here in DA , Cheering at the top of voices till their throat and lungs exploded .  I dont care if they hate me or whatever , I am quite immune to all these load of BS . Whatever I do , say or give , there is always going to be someone out there that still has a lot of negativity to say about me . So for your lovely folks out there who thinks I am a good person , an angel , please I am not . If I truly am that good then why are there people hating me when i dont even know their names . 

The other thing that I have decided is to formally meet the highest management at the half yearly meeting and reveal what is really going on in this company . I think its either I make that clear and off I go else where , sometimes I think working for an even lower salary at places like supermarkets or fast food isnt that bad of an idea , at the least I dont have to deal with these BS that has been going on for years .  People have been telling me , J , you have to tolerate them and go to work with a positive mindset . 

Positive mindset .. positive mindset , tried , done , tested , been there done there . It doesnt work at all . All these motivation talk about being happy in life , cheerful , and be glad that you are still alive because there will be unicorns and rainbows tomorrow , I have sometimes ask myself this question , how long am I going to lie to myself further . Just by telling yourself that everything is going to be OKAY , ISNT going to make it OKAY .  You need drastic actions and measures to fix the issue and its not going to be easy . 

The other thing that I just want to say is , after living so long on earth , i think there is a few things that I have to say . The next time when you think you have been an angel to someone and thinking that he or she will be grateful and thankful to you , please do not be that naive . The other thing is that when your friends or family etc comes to you for help , please do not expect any form of repayment or gratitude , thats what I have learnt in a very hard way . I still recalled covering so much things for my co-workers and almost all of them just turned their backs on me .  I did mention to them especially the lady whom i cleared 4 months of work because she was on maternity leave , I asked if she could help me with something that could be done in less then 30 mins , she rejected me in less then 1 second .  

Sometimes I do envy those people who has a cold and icy heart , people who rejects and purge everything in their way . You can judge them because they have a very nasty attitude or laugh at them for having no friends while you have tons of friends on your facebook account or your fellow "followers" on instagram , those don't mean a thing to these people. Reason being that they are pretty done with humans I guess , they are people who just do not want to go through that emotional stress , fear and pain again and therefore shuts down the emotional side of them and become this way . The nicer you treat someone , the more reason he/she will take advantage of you eventually , this is something that I have to learn .  This is part of my desires somehow but I am not sure if I am able to do it given the fact that I enjoy being around with people but its just that I am constantly being pushed around and hurt . This has to stop somehow . 

Last but not least , I am not sure how many of you people recall that I have asked everyone to come up with a unique tool for me to use as a painting tool and subject ?  My target is to get it done at the end of this month , i have spoken to Ella about it and she gave in eventually . Locking up my art supplies is as good as locking me up and its doing me no good at all .  


For now , I hope everything will go well tomorrow with the meeting of that stalker , fingers crossed . After all these times , life is nothing but full of horrific and depressing memories , what else could be worst . 






Rgds
Jeremy 


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She's a Lady by Amarantheans NC: Eydis by Silver-Tao111 Insipidmy autopsy would reveal that
I swallowed too much sadness,
and every abrasion
floats hideously like
ink blots on brittle
paper skin.
most days I grasp
for pleasantries, waiting
for the burn that bubbles
in my gut like cancer
when I hold too many stars.
Waterlogged and
soaked to the bone,
I wash away my true colors;
My problems stem
from the root, and
they stare at me with
a certain kind of knowing.
I don't smoke, but
I search for the ashes
and helium soot to
keep me up when
everyone else refuses
to hold me up any longer.
Memories of a Painful Past - Chapter OneA tear drop slowly ran down the red cheek of the dragon, a pained look on his face. "My past..." He said, choking. "You have no idea what pain is.... no idea.... very well, I will tell you the story of when I lost everything. When my whole world was crushed right before my eyes. It all began when I was a young hatchling..."
-
A young hatchling not more then three years of age lay sleeping in a nest. His stomach was full from the large dinner his mother had brought for him. He was not yet old enough to fly and hunt for himself, and still had all of his hatchling teeth which was barely enough to tear small bits of meat off of a carcass. The small creature rolls around to his other side, his red scales glimmering in the light of the moon.
-
A half moon shone over a vast forest reaching for miles around a cave with a large opening. Standing outside the cave is a large figure which cast a shadow over the landscape below. Her scales glimmered an eerie blood red in the moonlight as she sniffe
Through These Dark and Dreary Days

Through these dark and dreary days, 
Through these prolonging hours,
Through this desolate desert,
Through this pitiless storm;


There is a full moon.


That had been waiting...



Through these dark and dreary days,
Through these prolonging hours,
Through this desolate desert,
Through this pitiless storm;



...For You... 
A demonic life to leadI wake up, my eyes opening in astonishment. That...that thing was staring at me through the window, its white face looking at me, or at least I think it is. I'm not very sure on the matter, seeing as he has no eyes. Or mouth on that matter.
'Maybe...it's Slenderman!...No, that can't be. He isn't real...Is He?'I thought, my heart going miles a minutes. I try to calm down, breathing deeply for a few minutes, before sighing and throwing myself back onto my bed and look at my oh so interesting ceiling. 'Why can't it just leave me alone? This is, like, the fourth time it came this week! I just want some sleep.'
Hearing a door creek, I jump out of bed, my heart beating against my ribcage. As a mans silouette comes into my view, my visions blackens out as my heart gives away.
I wake up the next morning, Is it the next morning? I wake up in what looks like a hospital bed, the curtains drawn around me. As if on cue, a nurse comes around the corner, saying 'Oh, you're awake! Let me go get the do
Compilation Jealousy
The two wheels,
rolling together in tandem,
Turning so fast,
sparks fly,
sparks of laughter,
sparks of love.
The third wheel,
cast out.
Lying motionless.
On the ground.
As they pass,
sparks fly,
Sparks of Love.
Sparks of Laughter.
Joined by sparks of jealousy.
Jigsaw
I feel like that one piece,
that one damned piece that fits perfectly.
But I was the wrong colour.
Not part of the picture.
Piece by Piece
Who was that fool,
that fool,
who said true love breaks your heart?
The shattered dust of my soul,
Each particle paired with a different heart breaker.
Whoever said true love breaks your heart,
I never would of thought I would find true love everywhere.
Sugarcoating
Those same people,
Those who have ground my heart,
to an unrecognizable mound of dust,
They make the dust seem like sugar,
which I can slowly enjoy.
Overthinking
I tell myself,
Tell myself,
Remind myself,
With words,
using them like a knife,
but n


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Lonear94's avatar
Hey bro,  hope your situation is alright.